I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
