I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
