I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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