I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
