she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
