She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
