allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude i'm inner monologue high
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize