Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
