he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
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You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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