You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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