Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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