Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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