Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
