Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
