wakey wakey hands off snakey
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
