Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
