I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
