Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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