would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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