RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
