So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
