a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
