i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
