i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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