people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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