Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This baby is an asshole
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
