What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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