well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
