I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
