Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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