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You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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