All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
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we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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