i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
