Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
