We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
