and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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