I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
