I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
