my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
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GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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