hell yes lets make some ravioli
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
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I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
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I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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