one two three fourrrrnication!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
