THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
