my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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