tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
