new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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