Im at strip club and am horny
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
