too bad you live with your parents still
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
