I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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