When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
