that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
