I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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