I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
