dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
