The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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