he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
