If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
