Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.

(650): View more from California

I tried to assassinate the ginger baby

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them

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(314): View more from Missouri

his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?

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(913): View more from Kansas

Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after

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(407): View more from Florida

the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The pigeons can smell the fear

(1+44): View more from

Wtf

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(847): View more from Illinois

Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I looked into her soul, didn't I?

(517): View more from Michigan

You eye-fucked her soul.

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