you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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