the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
