I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
