I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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