Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
